Husband Make Fire

Ahhhhhhh. A drama-free Thanksgiving was had. Mother actually came to eat with us. That is roughly equivalent to a lunar landing. No addicts in the house. So nice. They take up too much space. My daughter left to spend the remainder of the weekend with her paternal grandparents and husband and I went to a cabin in the woods.

Husband likes to burn things. Doesn't he, Spencer?

We took a hike up to this water tower.

It stands watch over a sleepy lake view.

The leaves were devoid of color and yet I found them beautiful.

My constant desire to capture the reflection of the sun. You could feel the heat reflected off the water through the brisk air.

I am always impressed and haunted by these trees that die, then continue to stand year after year, through seasons and winds, storms and intense sunshine. A testimony of strength.

The sand washed out this tree. It will be years and years until it degrades. When the water comes up and covers it, it becomes petrified. Trees are decades and decades old underneath the water.

They just last and last...

Couple of very lonely horses up the mountain.

They cling to each other.

Like we do. Like we must.

The Silver and Gold in Silver Bella

My last post Best Me? was such a catharsis. Thank you very much for reading it. Thank you very much for connecting with it. The bare naked truth is so very healing. I am feeling really good just saying out loud my truth that I thought I would be different than I am. I imagined some serene, content, wise woman might emerge as I grew up, but I got me instead. I am always trying to embrace the present and love the flaws, work through this and feel that. I now have to just accept that I am the kind of person that, with an embarrassment of riches in health, love,  prosperity and friends, I still whine and complain about my life. Thank you for letting me. This year has been an invaluable crucible for growth. This blog has been an essential record of it.

I want to show you the completed 'Best Me' necklace from my Sally Jean Alexander class. Kinda messy. Don't quite know what you are looking at. Beautiful. Asymmetrical. I think it is me.

One Silver Bella project completed. What a wonderful one. It means so much to me. Next, I put my efforts into completing my Josephine's Jewels bracelet from French General.

When working on this I asked Kaari whether I should put some of the charms on one side, half on the other. She said she likes to put them all facing the same direction on one side in case she wants to add ribbon and wear it as a necklace...! Never thought of that. I have taken several classes of hers and done many kits and yet she still teaches me such subtle and brilliant things. A mark of a generous artist and teacher.

Thank you Kaari. It is another delicious piece.

Here is a gift I had for Kaari to show my appreciate for her attention and creations.

A knitted corsage, just like the one Jemellia and I each have.

And thank you Silver Bella for the mirror that is you.



Best Me?

Having just returned from Silver Bella with a mound of supplies and incomplete projects, I have happily been re-entering my non-Silver, non-Bella life. I have been organizing these posts in my head, how to combine them, what order, which swaps, classes, friends, vendor night... I have been looking through the blogs and seeing pictures of beautiful friends, happy creations, just the best Silver Bella ever!

 

But before I get on with all that, all the beauty, all the good, I have to start somewhere and that would be where I am. Where I so often seem to be.

I was not all happy! all the time! at this event. I did deeply enjoy the people (most of the people) and really did laugh and love, connected deeply on occasion. But mostly, I struggled. Struggled being with so many people, often in tight quarters. I was sensitive to things people said. I was driven wild by barely having elbow room, vintage scraps a'flyin'.

I was prickly and irritable. I looked at people laughing, happily creating and wondered, "what is wrong with me? I have such a great opportunity here, why am I all yucky?" I finally broke down to two poor ladies. I was actually complimenting on how precious they were together, happy as two peas on a pink pod. I cried trying to get that compliment out. It was the last class, a crowded room with bags and knees suffocating me. I packed up and left. I returned to my room and cried. I got out my supplies and I thought I am going finish one freaking project!

I had placed a tiny picture of my 3 year old self in a rhinestone circle with the words "best me" underneath. I gathered myself. I did what I do which is retreat, get alone, get quiet where I feel less crazy. I started to copper wrap my glass. Smooth it out. I had a conversation in my head about how this blog post would look. I would wait and write it when it became true, when I deserve an award for being my "best me."

Then it struck me. I am my best me. I actively work on all these feelings of anger, resentment, agitation. I eat well, exercise, rest my body, write in my gratitude journal, tell people I love them, create, and on and on. I confront my fears. I open my big mouth and tell people my damn truth and you don't have to like it. I am prickly. I hemorrhage, and rage monthly. I am irritable. Robin needs a big circle. I feel crazy. Sometimes I act crazy. I take care of people. When my own family doesn't even ask about my dying mother but strangers at Silver Bella do, I love them anyway. I shake and quake and cry and laugh.

This is it. I am my best me.

I am just not what I expected...