A View

When we are in Texas this is my view.

I always pray a simple "thank you."

2012 in Review

I love to keep records. I fully believe that is at the heart of my love for photography, that and the visual content which gives me endless pleasure. The year in photos...

January

Tried a 30 day photo challenge with the theme of gratitude making this journal as I went. I love making my own journals and filling them with photos which for me tells the story with little need for the written word.

February

Mother's birthday, my first she she died. I celebrated her birthday by placing pink roses on her grave. I also bought myself this mother of pearl ring. It brings me pride and joy. It came from Pandora.

March

Quilt class with Jemellia as she pursues her life goal to teach sewing.
 

My daughter's senior year, and all that implies. We hosted a french student for 2 weeks then Allie went to Senlis, France to stay with her family. My longest separation from her.
A good experience for everyone. Mostly her.

April

Mother's Death Day. I took this Utah trip alone to hike and heal. I got out of my head and into my body as I was challenged in many ways. One of the greatest most affirming experiences of my life.

May

Je and I with our little bird houses from a class at Paper Crown with Collete Copeland.

Allie addresses graduation announcements. How can that be?

The Prom...

The Face...

Bike wreck. Just in time for graduation...

June

July

Time at the lake.

On the water.

With Friends.

 

With family.

Or just us.

August.

Saying goodbye...

September

Lollipop wristlet class with Je.

Creating for Glitter Market...

Staying as busy as I can (see also June and August).

October

Celebrated my husband's birthday in Kauai.

A highlight of the trip was a helicopter ride.

Another was this hike to view the Napali coast.

But also this guy. Uhm, 60.
 

November

Spellbound.

A new skill.

 

December

Lucille.

 

Lake Alone Three

I slept until 8:30. The sun streams straight in and I awaken under the covers to 
Spencer's head flopping on the bed to get me up, ready for his morning routine.

Make the bed. I always make the bed. I can't get into an unmade bed. I take 
pleasure in a made bed.

Coffee on the porch. It's is clear and lovely. That fall crisp in the air. Early 
for that. It ought to be 103 today but it is only supposed to be 90. Oh to hold 
on to this.  Spencer poking around. Birds making the best of the tilted broken 
feeder. Hummingbird fighting for the nectar and nobody winning. 

This feels like heaven. It does. I am in love with my lucky life. 

Also it smells so good.

Ate fruit loops with soy milk. 

Thoughts on soy milk. First, I am looking for the phytoestrogens. Second, I am 
reducing my dependence on cows. I am  not a vegetarian. Did that for six years. 
Had a hamburger, life was transformed. I never loved meat and I will only eat 
meat I love and enjoy. I try not to be wasteful of animal products. 

Therefore soy milk.

I went for a walk. A short one, just over 2 miles but it was fast and involved a 
hill. We call this a mountain in Oklahoma but I will ever to it as a hill for 
the purposes of not being offensive to readers in a altitude or attitude higher 
than that of mine in Oklahoma.

Spent a little time on a float on the water.

Spencer kept an eye on that dog in the water. 

I changed  and made lunch. It was an attempt to replicate the vegetarian Mexican 
Gumbo at Qdoba. It's one of the best fast food things you can buy. Also they 
serve China Mist jasmine iced tea. I have this meal at Qdoba once a week. Mine 
was transcendent. Lots of cilantro. I am sorry if you don't like cilantro. I am 
to understand certain people find it tastes soapy. I am so glad I am not once of 
those people. It is citrus to me and I cannot consume enough of it. 

Cleared up the kitchen and thought in lieu if beading I might nap. But then I 
didn't sleep. Not sure why, loaded up on black beans and guacamole as I was. 
Watched the Sex in the City shows on involving Jack Burger. I didn't like 
that season. SJP played a caricature of Carrie Bradshaw. I don't find her to be 
a good actress anyway but she was awful then. I had another cupcake then passed out. 

When I awakened it was nearly six. This nap I felt guilty about. Sleeping until 
dinner time feels wrong.

Penance was two hours of beading while I watched The Visioners. Odd. Slow but 
made a great point about the homogenizing of society and the loss of creative 
vision.

Spencer needed a cart ride and it was nearly sundown. We went to the gate at the 
pasture. And this is what I love about God. I can stand in the same place and 
take the same picture of the same sun over and over again. And over and over 
again my breath is taken away. And I whisperer the prayer "thank you."

All in order again, it was dinner, reading, sleep.

Thank you...a whispered prayer.

Lake Alone Two

Day One continued.

 

An hour. I slept an hour. After about 5 sleepless nights I refuse to feel
guilty. I got (mostly) over the shame of the nap while grieving for my mother.
Grief is a cold trek over a mountain alone only to find another mountain.
It's exhausting. Now I seem to just nap for the pleasure of lying down and
drifting away to wake up and find more day left.

Started another bracelet. My goal is to have three done for the late October
Glitter Market. I only do one show a year now. These bead woven bracelets take
about 9 hours to complete. There is a pleasant repetition in the work. I had a
bead situation this morning though and had to drive into town to get more options.
Thank you Walmart. They have quite a few cute things now. Upping their game. It
must be difficult to compete with the fresh forward buyers of Target. I feel no
sorrow for them of course.

Beading and watching that delicious Michele Williams in My Week With Marilyn.
She is such a good actress. I feel in love with her in Broke Back Mountain. I hope
she sticks with it. I think she will have an epic career given the right
opportunities. An Oscar might help.

Then Bowtie pesto pasta with artichokes. I poured myself a glass of wine. It had
gone bad . Poured it out. Oh well. Dinner on the porch. The birds were coming
around. But so did the squirrels and a naughty one broke one of the feeders.

To my favorite spot at the farm gate. Sunset across the pasture. I have taken
this picture hundreds of times. I can never edit it down to one. I am greedy
with sunsets.

Knitting. TV. Bed. Slept all the night...

Lake Alone One

I indulge myself in very prolonged daydreams. For example, when I can't sleep, 

I'll ask myself a question then settle in to a detailed answer.  Or, while 
working on a long project with my hands I will happily settle in to a story of my own making.

This also explains why I like redundant and tedious hand tasks like needlepoint 
or knitting. A long drive, oh a long drive, especially on the motorcycle when I can't talk,

I will work it all out in my head. Often I will describe a perfect weekend 

spent with the old gang of girlfriends. I might plan the perfect visit to 
a place I have been before and know well enough to work out the story. I will 
daydream about all the things I would do with a week alone.

And now I have 3 days alone. Between caring for my family and the start of the 
next job I have 4 months off. And a lake cabin. I had never been there alone in the 8 
years we've had it. I needed to spend that time with my family. Once Allie was 
on a week long vacation this month and with the threat of selling it I decided 
to come alone. I slept so well. I beaded. I journaled.  I only did half of 
what I thought I would accomplish.

This post will be an indulgent log of my days alone. Rather than working it 
all out in my head I get live it.

I sit here on the porch, in my rugged rocking chair, a beloved valentine gift 
many years ago from Husband, iPad in my lap, Spencer at foot. It is not windy, 
rare, rare in Oklahoma. Cicadas pulse in the trees. It's warm but not as it 
ought to be for August. The lake is smooth, a powdery blue that nearly matches the 
sky.

I left home this morning for the two hour drive, coffee finished, Spencer in the back 
and my soy chocolate milk that feels like such indulgence. Does that make 
me sound healthy, worthy? Not to worry,  once I got here I ate half a cupcake while waiting 
for leftover pizza to warm...

On the way I made a stop at Quilt Barn Antiques. I haven't stopped there in 
about 7 or 8 years. Last time I bought an Oklahoma tablecloth which is displayed 
here at the cabin. This time they wouldn't take a credit card and I didn't have a 
checkbook so I was limited to the $18 in cash I was carrying. Thirteen dollars 
later I had these linens and bandage box. Such beauty. I laid them out once I 
got there and sat my iPad temporarily there. An odd and intriguing mix.

I unloaded groceries, started a load of laundry. To me, it's home when laundry is going.

I am always ready to start the day with the washer and dryer at work. 

I filled the bird feeders, a task I stopped during the high heat of summer. There
was enough for the birds to eat and I just am tired of my sweaty, menopausal back dripping. 

This visit I feel like being outside enjoying the porch and 
watching the waves of birds come by. Also I was feeling bad about 

 
the hummingbirds coming 'round all summer with faith that I had filled 
their feeder. I did this time. Come on little birds. 

And within minutes a ruby 
throated hummingbird hovers in and I whisper the prayer "thank you."

Inside now to the couch to read a chapter of the Tibetan motherhood story Across 
Many Mountains and drift off to sleep. 

Extremes

Took a little drive this weekend to a lake in north Texas. 

I loved the rocks, cacti and the deep blue water...

I respect the struggle.

September Snapshot: Good-Bye Good Summer

September Snapshot: A Boy and His Dog