I indulge myself in very prolonged daydreams. For example, when I can't sleep,
I'll ask myself a question then settle in to a detailed answer. Or, while working on a long project with my hands I will happily settle in to a story of my own making.
This also explains why I like redundant and tedious hand tasks like needlepoint
or knitting. A long drive, oh a long drive, especially on the motorcycle when I can't talk,
I will work it all out in my head. Often I will describe a perfect weekend
spent with the old gang of girlfriends. I might plan the perfect visit to a place I have been before and know well enough to work out the story. I will daydream about all the things I would do with a week alone. And now I have 3 days alone. Between caring for my family and the start of the next job I have 4 months off. And a lake cabin. I had never been there alone in the 8 years we've had it. I needed to spend that time with my family. Once Allie was on a week long vacation this month and with the threat of selling it I decided to come alone. I slept so well. I beaded. I journaled. I only did half of what I thought I would accomplish. This post will be an indulgent log of my days alone. Rather than working it all out in my head I get live it.
I sit here on the porch, in my rugged rocking chair, a beloved valentine gift
many years ago from Husband, iPad in my lap, Spencer at foot. It is not windy,
rare, rare in Oklahoma. Cicadas pulse in the trees. It's warm but not as it
ought to be for August. The lake is smooth, a powdery blue that nearly matches the
sky.
I left home this morning for the two hour drive, coffee finished, Spencer in the back
and my soy chocolate milk that feels like such indulgence. Does that make
me sound healthy, worthy? Not to worry, once I got here I ate half a cupcake while waiting
for leftover pizza to warm...
On the way I made a stop at Quilt Barn Antiques. I haven't stopped there in
about 7 or 8 years. Last time I bought an Oklahoma tablecloth which is displayed
here at the cabin. This time they wouldn't take a credit card and I didn't have a
checkbook so I was limited to the $18 in cash I was carrying. Thirteen dollars
later I had these linens and bandage box. Such beauty. I laid them out once I
got there and sat my iPad temporarily there. An odd and intriguing mix.
I unloaded groceries, started a load of laundry. To me, it's home when laundry is going.
I am always ready to start the day with the washer and dryer at work.
I filled the bird feeders, a task I stopped during the high heat of summer. There
was enough for the birds to eat and I just am tired of my sweaty, menopausal back dripping.
This visit I feel like being outside enjoying the porch and
watching the waves of birds come by. Also I was feeling bad about
the hummingbirds coming 'round all summer with faith that I had filled
their feeder. I did this time. Come on little birds.
And within minutes a ruby
throated hummingbird hovers in and I whisper the prayer "thank you."
Inside now to the couch to read a chapter of the Tibetan motherhood story Across
Many Mountains and drift off to sleep.
