27 March 2012
The 366 Photo challenge for February was the color rose. On mother's birthday, I happened to have a pink rose in the house, a rare event.
I have been actively grieving for nearly a year now. Initial acute pain turned into a wired elation and joy where I felt very alive. Then darker, more tired. Her birthday was super dark. Dark.
I have been feeling lost without her. She had such a power in my life, like no other. Without her, who am I to seek approval from, Or to disappoint?
In the movie Terms of Endearment, the lousy two-timing husband says about his dying wife, something like, "Who am I if not the man disappointing Emma?"
I am not sure mother was as critical of me as I believed her obe. That was a strong pole in my life, to be drawn to, to resist.
Without her voice here I have placed a critical voice in the thoughts of my friends and in my own voice, of course. Now I can carry that on to be sure, have been doing it for years, but oddly, I am finding a decreased need for criticism, also for approval. Maybe its temporary, I am quite sure the paranoia about my worth will surge and ebb throughout my life.
No greater force than my mother's voice. But now that is silenced, who am I?
This is my new frontier.
20 March 2012
Completing this bracelet from a recent class at Spiral Beadery marked a return to my hands and creativity. My desire to create had slipped away. I was mindlessly looking through online pictures and status updates I didn't care about. Endlessly playing a game on my iPad (cue shame...).
I actually starting needlepointing last night.
14 March 2012
More pages from my 30 Day Photo Challenge which I bound into journal form.
Part two is here. Old above is for old friendships, over 30 years...
Hands and words. What else is there?
Prompts are from PositvelyPresent.
Technology. Hehe, a picture of me taking a picture of me on my phone. Neato.
That elastic card came right out of mother's sewing case. Sort of a big deal for me to use it like that. Trying to live life and use the good stuff.
My husband is my best friend. I really just comprehended that.
You'd probably figured that out for yourself a long time ago.
Everyday is a new beginning.
06 March 2012
Not like I need to challenge myself. My every thought, frankly is a challenge in one way or another. But heading into this year I decided not to work this semester so I could just be present for my daughter's senior year. I find myself walking in circles and mainly walking her to the car and waving good-bye. I have decided it would be a good focus to participate in a photo a day challenge. i am following the Positively Present 366 challenge where each month focuses on a different color.
I am exclusively using my iPhone camera for this as well as the Instagram, Phonto and Photo365 apps. I used Picasa to create this collage and printed out 8x 10 so I can do some kind of journal later with all twleve. If I follow through all year anyway.
Thank you for the love on these videos. Here are my February favorites.