This blog began in February 2009, three years ago. It has been such an essential part of my growth, reaching out and telling my truth to you has been very healing. I thank you. I will do three give-aways ways to express, in small part, my gratefulness for this blog and you. To enter, leave a comment on this post. Give-away for these earrings ends next Monday night, 13 February. The winner and the next give-away will post 14 February, 2012, Valentine's...
You know how you feel it coming on? First, you're tired, then there is that little headache, backache, scratch in the throat. You ignore hoping it goes away. At some point, as symptoms march on, you realize and then admit its a cold and you're getting sick.
Its been like that for the last few weeks. Restless dreams I don't want, then poor sleep. Lacking the energy to leave a supportive comment on a blog. Lack of being able to get it up again for another dinner even though I love feeding these people. Day dreams of time away without the chores, in the sun, just me and the feel of warmth and lack of demands. I admit it, this is not just grief, it's depression. I called it a hibernation last winter. Trying to accept it and let it wash over me and then recede as it always does.
I want to see my mother. I want that simple ability I had for so many years to just get in the car and go see her. That voice, those green eyes, the little sounds of her. I have been doing well, I have been getting on without her, can't I be rewarded with a short little visit today?
Its difficult today.
Happy Blogaversary Robin!
ReplyDelete{{{{Robin}}}} a big hug from Moi. I get you.
Love,
LuLu~*xoxo
Girl I think alot of it is our age and hormones or lack of?? Also why do we start understanding and reliving the demons form childhood once we get to a place where we kind of finally figure it all out? I know and feel your struggles and will send good vibes and prayers your way. This weather has been a joy but here we go with some real winter weather drama.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Sharron
I didn't even know you had a blog, but I am so happy to find it because now I have a label for my winter malaise: hibernation. hang in there girl.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it helps, but here's a {hug} and a warm and special place in my heart for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy third anniversary. I'm nearing my third as well, and can't imagine how much less rich my life would be without this personal and creative outlet, and all these unique and kindred spirits I've met through blogging.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about your mother. I had a little episode last night, where my brain tricked me doing the dishes. I was thinking random little thoughts and something clicked that I wanted to share with Dad, and I had to stop in my tracks, because there will never be any more sharing with him. For a moment, I had forgotten, and that made me both mad and sad. I was dumbstruck with the realization that even after three and a half years, I could feel his absence so painfully. I wish he weren't so hard to miss.
Sending you cyber hugs, and the hope that the hibernation ends soon.
xo
Your writing is always so thought provoking and always touches me smack dab in the middle of my heart. You say exactly what I feel, and/or know that I will feel in the future. You aren't afraid to tell the world your innermost thoughts. That is what I adore about you Robin.
ReplyDeleteI miss my Betty Babe too and think of her often. I miss seeing her sit at the kitchen table and talk to us in high school. I miss hearing that pissed off "Robin" when we knew you were gonna hear it. I miss seeing your dad baby the crap outta you when you were way too old and being jealous. I remember laughing when he rode off with that scarf of his and those hilarious goggles. I remember your mom always happy to see me at the front door and that little leary smile when we left. I remember and will never forget. That is where they live now.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I remember hearing, "That Veronique!" who by the way called me the other day after seeing one of my shows on TV. Gotta call her back and see what kinda trouble she's into these days.
ReplyDeleteDear Robin, just love you! That's it. Happy Blog Birthday and keep looking forward to tomorrow. Tiny bits of better, each day. Takes lots of tinies....
ReplyDeleteI know where you are coming from Robin. Unfortunately, my mom has been gone now for almost seven years and I still have a hard time some times. I mostly laugh now when I talk about her or tell people about the funny things she used to say and do, but in my alone times sometimes I want to scream and cry and stomp my feet and argue how unfair it is that she is gone. But she wouldn't want that - she would want me to be happy and be thankful for all our good, fun times. I'm sorry for your pain. xoxo...
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug, sweet pea. It will pass, though you may feel like kicking me for saying that.
ReplyDeletePick me, OK?
Big hugs,
Suz
Robin, this post brought back my mother toi me. I know how hard it is to let go of the support of a mother's love. My mom has been gone over 10 years;I still sometimes think I will call her when I get home to tell her about something I saw or ask about a recipe.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your openess-thank you for sharing your heart.
Robin, congratulations on your blog birthday. Sometimes we just need to find our way in the darkness back to our mother's arms. Your mom is just a bit farther away, but you can find her in your heart. I am thinking about you, girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking a lot about home lately. Little bits and pieces of days gone by slowly unfolding in my mind, the safety and warmth of my Mom. Oh how I miss her. I think I know how you feel. Sometimes I will just lie in bed and think about her and somehow it brings her just a little closer. You are a beautiful woman, Robin. I am always a phone call away if you want to chat or go drink coffee or even something a little stronger. Love you, girl.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I just want to say how thankful I am that you have a blog and you use it the way you do. You're such a fascinating human being and it's an honor to see your view on life.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling so great. I know it feels like you need her now, and I know it's hard that she can't be here at the moment. Just know that one of these days when you really need her and you're scared and hesitant to visit a new plane of existence, she'll be there for you. She'll comfort you and welcome you to the other side. You'll always be her little girl just like your sweet daughter will always be yours. Bonds like that are too strong to die. I'm sending you love, dear Robin!
The years of struggle are immeasurable.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had known her. While I know that words are only a small gesture of support, I want you to know that she has strangely and mysteriously touched my life. She died knowing she left much she hoped to do with you Robin sadly undone. There is tremendous pain knowing that there are still so many stories to be told and shared, so very many. It just doesn't seem fair.
Dream a little dream of her Robin. Two words......Te Quiero. I am so very grateful for the day I met you. Damnit to hell, wish you could feel my hug........well, perhaps you can.
...y, Feliz Blog Aniversario Amiga. Jorge sends mil Besos !!!
Cariño....
Not once did I desire to see or hear from my mom after her passing. Only the fleeting hope or late night dream for her to have been what I needed her to be, i.e., that mother I see with her daughter and grandchild, shopping in the mall, doting on the precious little one and living life. I envy your grief babe. I truly do.
ReplyDeleteHey Sweetie! You got me with a few tears in my eyes as you touch my heart so. I love reading your writing, so very much from the heart. We never quit missing our Moms, we just deal with it better as the years go on. You are such a creative soul, I would love to be the winner. Happy Blog Birthday....xoxo, Teresa
ReplyDeleteRobin~
ReplyDeleteYou have helped remind me to hug my mother even tighter and soak her up when I can..you were an amazing daughter and gave her so much joy! I always envied your relationship with your mom..Now (ahem) might i suggest a little bit of progesterone in the post ovulatory phase of your cycle?? It works wonders!
xxoo
Beka
Congratulations on your 3 year anniversary. I think mine is coming soon as well. I sure have enjoyed the years here. You have a beautiful blog.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you feel about your mom. I have been having some rough weeks too. Sometimes it just hits you like a brick and it is all you can do to keep going with a smile on your face....but I do it anyway. :)
Hugs~