03 July 2012

Baccalaureate Service

I want so desperately to post about the events surrounding my daughter's high school graduation. All I can really think to show is the shoes we wore. The clothes we choose.
Very deep, right?
Actually I am in in limbo. I can't make anything.
I can't remember anything.
I cannot form full...
I am in a holding pattern, hovering as Allie spends her lasts days as a full time resident in my care. I don't want to start any projects. I don't even want to water the plants in pots. They are dead. Dead. Dead dead. Yellow. Awful. I can't even throw them away. I just hover in the present moment. With all the words.

Words, words, words in my head that scatter and fall into each other and build up like in Tetris until I can't sleep or breathe even.
Deep breaths. Agitation and dark thoughts as I teeter on the brink of depression. Not gonna. Not gonna fall into that and pudding through these last days of summer, before she moves away, out of state.

You can tell me she will still need me. I know that. Having buried my own mother shows me how difficult it is to live without Mother. But for sure this is a transition from her residency and my full time service into something else.

And it's going exactly like its supposed to...


  1. you are so right..........it just does!

  2. she will always need you even when she thinks she doesn't. think ahead to her exploring her new state and how thrilled she will be when you come to visit!! it will be a time for new exciting memories and you will be able to scout out new craft/junk/bead/yarn haunts there! this i know she has your fabulous looks and sense of style?! her shoes nails and dress are adorable and those pink shoes you are owning.... are fierce girl!!
    i will be thinking of you have a blessed fourth tomorrow!!

  3. Oh, lovely lovely photos. Congratulations. You both look fabulous. I have that same dress, but you own it! I love how you mixed it up with the pink belt and shoes. I'm going to try that with mine next time, just as soon as I find some fabulous pink shoes!

    Things will be different, with her away, but don't let depression get you. Be happy at the wonderful job you did raising her and the great things that await you both. Of course, I'm full of advice, but check back with me in the summer of 2015 when my baby is gone away. My son is easy, he's weaned me properly so his leaving is not weighing heavily. But my girl... that will be hard, and there will be that empty nest looming, and me with not a clue what to do now...

    And keeping those potted plants alive has been such a chore for me this year, I'm thinking about skipping them next year, just to lighten the load.

  4. At home or away from home, you will each always need one another. You are so very, very lucky.

    Pretty feet AND pretty feet.......... :)

    Forget about the plants, they can always be replaced.......yes?

    I love you darlin' girl. I think of you daily. Smack a kiss on Ali's cheek for me........explain that it's from a Texas friend.

    Con mucho amor......cp

  5. You really are in a time of transition...always have been, but it's so much more apparent now. ENJOY your summer and feel what you need to feel. I actually felt like I grieved when my oldest left home...but there really will be wonderful times ahead...you just have to get used to a new normal! A BIG XO, Robin...

  6. You both look beautiful! My son is going through puberty right now and changing daily. I totally get it! It is a scary thought. Sending big hugs! :)

  7. You girls are so lucky to have each other. She'll always be your baby. :-)

  8. oh RoBiN...i so understand what you are going through, i cried all of Belinda's senior year, well, not quite all of it, just at times, like standing in line at luby's cafeteria, i don't even like luby's, but, yes, i lost it! Many years have past since then, and, girl, it's gonna be ok. a whole new relationship awaits that will be just as precious as these moments are now, promise. And, as for the shoes, you two are rockin' it!!! love you, franc

  9. Forget about the future and the past. Breathe her and this summer in, letting each moment fill all of your senses to overflowing.
    You are both extremely lucky to have what you have with each other.

    Gorgeous shoes!

  10. Congrats to little bird, congrats to you, too. I love you both and I'm excited for her new venture, I am anxious for you, but, like you said, it's going exactly like it's supposed to...

    le sigh


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