Very deep, right?
Actually I am in in limbo. I can't make anything.
I can't remember anything.
I cannot form full...I am in a holding pattern, hovering as Allie spends her lasts days as a full time resident in my care. I don't want to start any projects. I don't even want to water the plants in pots. They are dead. Dead. Dead dead. Yellow. Awful. I can't even throw them away. I just hover in the present moment. With all the words.
Words, words, words in my head that scatter and fall into each other and build up like in Tetris until I can't sleep or breathe even.
Deep breaths. Agitation and dark thoughts as I teeter on the brink of depression. Not gonna. Not gonna fall into that and pudding through these last days of summer, before she moves away, out of state.
You can tell me she will still need me. I know that. Having buried my own mother shows me how difficult it is to live without Mother. But for sure this is a transition from her residency and my full time service into something else.
And it's going exactly like its supposed to...