Around Here

Oh Christmas. You have to fight for Christmas.

Fight crowds.

Fight impulses.

Fight over-spending.

Fight demons.

Fight memories.

Fight resentment.

Or at least I always have.

My brother died at Christmas. We have fought to have Christmas most years since. Sadness. memories, bad ones. Last year Christmas was so dark.

Good lord, are you still even reading this?

I was wrapping gifts last night. I was flooded with Christmases from so long ago. The sweet Christmases when I was a child and all the kids were there. All four of us. Before addiciton and depression took my brother and sister away. But as I loaded boxes, folded tissue paper, removed prices, dispensed tape, they were just memories. They did not yoke. They did not tie a concrete block around my ankle and throw me off the deep end. They did not tie me to empty graves. They were just feelings.

Melancholy? Yes. Edge of depression? No.

Wow. Is this what "normal" people feel? Just memories and love? Not fear and loathing? I think I grew up this year. I have been present with this Christmas. I have not been a grinch. I have done all the tasks I always do but they did not feel like a burden. For the first year EVER.

This year has brought such fatigue, pain, anger and love. A grand miracle came this year, some smaller miracles as well. Can a miracle be small? A miracle can be large. That is for sure. I had one of those. I haven't shared it yet. But the timing was miracluous which is redundant. A birth. A saviour in a sense.

I look forward to my little family this year. My brother here with me. Mother. My husband and daughter. The other daughters seen and to be seen. All in order just for now.

And I feel grateful. I receive these gifts.

I fought for them and I am going to enjoy them.

Let's have a cup of hot chocolate, sit with your holiday lights.

Be.

I will Be.

Must Make Pretty Things

My last post was about the 'r' word. Please read it if you have not. If you did read it, thank you. If you read it and commented, thank you, thank you. If you read it, commented, admitted you had used this word and will rethink use of it, I am deeply touched by your candor. If you said you would talk to your children about use of this and other words, then you have changed the world.

We changed the world.

Life has lots of ugliness built in to it. There is pain, sadness and ugliness. This is why we make pretty things, isn't it? In God's image, we create beautiful, interesting things, driven to do so.

On my return from Silver Bella, I had only unfinished projects. I was impressed that Jackie Peters decided to finish a project daily and post about each all week on her blog. She is so driven, efficient and productive. It feels good to produce. It feels good to make something pretty. It is very important. This is often called craft. 'Crafting' is starting to sound like a bad thing. Arts and Crafts, art vs. craft. Craft used to mean a lifetime's work, a honed skill. A craftsman. What if it is the work of a woman's hands? Creating and producing, making beautiful things. Calming herself, restoring her soul.

I have had some drive amidst the knit, knit, knitting I have been doing to get on with the projects from Silver Bella. One was Teresa McFayden's group project called Art Sisters. It was to be 2 x2 inch squares set in a frame. I found it very difficult to get much done on site. Also, if I make something, I need some incubation time to figure out what I would actually want hanging around my house. I do try to edit. Some people have no such obstacles and busted out some astounding things. This from Karla Nathan, a fully decorated frame. !

  

Danielle Muller. Oh Danielle. Look how gorgeous this is. And complete. How do people do that? It creates a little competitiveness in me. It also gives that negative voice something to work with. Mostly, however, it is like watching an athlete perform the unbelievable, it inspires me.

I love Danielle's quiet and lovely piece. Also, Danielle is cute all over.

I decided to take the Art Sisters chunks I did complete and combine them with my Junque Journal swap. Sheila Rumney completed the front and gave us the back of the journal covered in music.

I added my Art Sisters to the very back journal cover.

I added the remaining project contents and intructions to the inside face of the back cover. I intend to build the journal from my swap packages.

While I did not take the Kaari Meng necklace class, I purchased the kit. I had some time one late afternoon recently. I rarely work in our library but the afternoon sun called me to this spot and I worked from here.

Here is my necklace and it is fabulous.

From left over pieces, I made these earrings.

I found a beautiful place to sit. I am grateful to have a beautiful safe place to sit. I create beautiful things. Thank you hands, grateful for time.

Grateful for this blog.

Thank you dear reader. I feel inspired by you and these beautiful things.

Giving Thanks

It is redundant to say it because roughly the last 43 and the next 37 blogs you will look at will say they are grateful for the pleasure of a good meal and their family. Well....I always loved Thanksgiving best of all holidays. It seems the least commercial. No cards, no gift giving. And then all the damn Black Friday hysteria makes for a Blue Thursday. That and now that I am the matriarch and have to cook the entire Thanksgiving meal alone because no one offers to help...it isn't as fun. I always get cranky when the doorbell rings and 10 pots come due at once.

And yet I am glad once I am seated and people begin to eat. I mean I enjoy it if I am the also getting praised for the meal. Which does happen. I wish I could go back and be more grateful for all those good Thanksgivings my parents cooked. But that is how it goes. You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone.

This year I do feel abundant. I feel grateful for you dearest reader. Thank you for being here. I enjoy this blog more than I can say. I think about it constantly and the order and content. I have the next dozen posts in my head. Thank you for showing up and giving me this outlet, for your comments, for your clicks.

My next post includes a greeting and a give away to say thanks.