Many Good Things

Hmmmmm. Tired. Wrung out. Had been feeling good but kinda tanked after Thanksgiving. Feeling sad and neglected. I had to finalize a banking situation with my mothers account. Do you have any idea how long it takes to bury someone? They are gone but so much stuff remains. I could donate all her clothes, but that closet still smells like her. I can go in there and just smell deeply. Sometimes it nauseates me because she is gone. Mostly it smells good. Good and sad.

So...I left the last entry just before Glitter Market. I was feeling great, boards behind me, the best people in front of me...



Charlotte Perez

Charlotte Perez Originals

What a joy to be with my friends, inspired by their talent.

Heather Ales of Soldering Fame



Holly Abston

Donna Layton

It just was beyond a dream.



Premier Paper Artist Jackie Peters

I appreciate the support so much.



Jemellia Hilfiger

Jemellia's off-spring who made me cry she is so cute

Thanksgiving was so good. I knew I had to get out of town. I spent forty seven thanksgivings with me mother and I knew I would mope around the house without her. We went to my daughter's (my husband's daughter) near Dallas and had a great day. She has two little boys, 3 and 1 and everything is better with little boys in it. Everything.

The following weekend my daughter and I decorated the Christmas tree. Opening up those same old ornaments always brings melancholy. With mother gone, I struggled, struggled to be present and realize this time next year, my daughter will have moved to college. Oh my dear friends, such a lovely thing to raise this child. She is everything to me and is sweet, and smart and funny. Another girl who is going to go. I realize I have been in a hammock suspended between two lives, my mother on one side, her life,  prolonged illness and death, which goes on and on.



Spencer whom always waits...

On the other side I have my adorable girl, awaiting college acceptances, wondering where she will land. I have been swinging between these two, happily so, sadly so, emerged in them and all that implies. All this means I will have my own life once again. My future is out there. Thank god I can keep busy with my hands. I can teach again and go back to the medical world. There is some good news to share. I passed my recertification boards required to maintain my national licensure.

Things are really good in my abundant life.

It's just that it doesn't always feel so great.

Thank you my friends. I feel such connection here with you. You save me a little everyday. I hope you feel some of that back. Because what would be the point otherwise?

Husband Make Fire

Ahhhhhhh. A drama-free Thanksgiving was had. Mother actually came to eat with us. That is roughly equivalent to a lunar landing. No addicts in the house. So nice. They take up too much space. My daughter left to spend the remainder of the weekend with her paternal grandparents and husband and I went to a cabin in the woods.

Husband likes to burn things. Doesn't he, Spencer?

We took a hike up to this water tower.

It stands watch over a sleepy lake view.

The leaves were devoid of color and yet I found them beautiful.

My constant desire to capture the reflection of the sun. You could feel the heat reflected off the water through the brisk air.

I am always impressed and haunted by these trees that die, then continue to stand year after year, through seasons and winds, storms and intense sunshine. A testimony of strength.

The sand washed out this tree. It will be years and years until it degrades. When the water comes up and covers it, it becomes petrified. Trees are decades and decades old underneath the water.

They just last and last...

Couple of very lonely horses up the mountain.

They cling to each other.

Like we do. Like we must.

Giving Thanks

It is redundant to say it because roughly the last 43 and the next 37 blogs you will look at will say they are grateful for the pleasure of a good meal and their family. Well....I always loved Thanksgiving best of all holidays. It seems the least commercial. No cards, no gift giving. And then all the damn Black Friday hysteria makes for a Blue Thursday. That and now that I am the matriarch and have to cook the entire Thanksgiving meal alone because no one offers to help...it isn't as fun. I always get cranky when the doorbell rings and 10 pots come due at once.

And yet I am glad once I am seated and people begin to eat. I mean I enjoy it if I am the also getting praised for the meal. Which does happen. I wish I could go back and be more grateful for all those good Thanksgivings my parents cooked. But that is how it goes. You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone.

This year I do feel abundant. I feel grateful for you dearest reader. Thank you for being here. I enjoy this blog more than I can say. I think about it constantly and the order and content. I have the next dozen posts in my head. Thank you for showing up and giving me this outlet, for your comments, for your clicks.

My next post includes a greeting and a give away to say thanks.