13 July 2011

I need to say...

That I want to call my mother and talk about this heat. I want to talk to her about the drought. I want to talk to her about how we are 12 inches below where we should be. That the earth feels scorched. That it rained today.

Why did I not learn to make her potato salad?

Why was she sitting like a statue on my couch last week?

I ironed a blue pin-striped oxford for my daughter's senior pictures today. I flashed to to an outfit Penny gave her that I ironed for her six-month photo 3 years ago. Six? Ten. Not seventeen years ago.

When listening critically to The Who this weekend, sober, in the daylight and turned to a medium volume, I realized, they suck.

Where has Radiohead been all my life?

I love Jemellia Hilfiger. She is one of the funniest, wittiest, sweetest people I have ever known. I want to draw her close to me like a rag doll. Then slap her away.

I love my body. I am 47 years old. It has looked better but I have never loved it more.

I am almost over my nose.

I do not think it sucks to grow older. Once you have no parents you feel odd, young and vulnerable. I will never say that it sucks getting old.

I want to live and feel joy. Gratitude is the key. Guiltless is the way.

Did I actually fall for a Beck song? When did I start to love Beck?

I say "Yes" to tears and sadness. It somehow brings comforts. It's what lies under agitation and anger.

I will see my Shelley since the first time since mother's funeral. I texted her that I will probably break down when I see her. She said "Good! I won't be the only one!" That is what epic friendship looks like.


  1. Robin, your post was beautiful (and so is your nose). Beck has a way of creeping into your heart when you least expect. (I know-go figure.) I don't call my dad on the phone, but I still talk to him. To age with grace and humor is a true art form/skill and I like where you are going with your bits of wisdom - thanks for sharing ~*~Lisa

  2. Thank you for saying "oxford" and not "button-up."

    You were already sad before Radiohead, so you stuck to what you knew, R.E.M.

    I love every bullet point on here, love you, too Bird!

  3. Robin, I love your rambling wisdom! There's not much more to say than that! We go through tragedy so we can notice the details!

    Julie B.

  4. Ah Robin,
    There is a bit of the "psychic" I feel with you. We have broken computers. The only place they work is to sit in an uncomfortable room in an uncomfortable way. Well, several hours ago I felt a "call" to check on you and, here you are, offering your raw wisdom and those feelings we all seem to have and never express. Well, maybe just us borderline crazy ones work like this;-) Anyway, I just want to say that I am not doing especially well at all. Besides the regular crap, I lost my "Shelly" a month ago. Fifty years of friendship...and now a serious rift. So why am I telling you this? I don't have a clue but I wanted to connect and with you I feel connected.


  5. You express yourself so beautifully. You are able to put the deepest feelings about loss into words- they speak directly to me!

  6. I just need to say, that I really like your honesty... though I'm pretty sure I'm repeating myself.

  7. you are stunning both inside and out..and yes i know we have not met in person...yet...but you are one of those amazingly deep wise people that strings words together like spun shugar....
    good to see that you are blooming once again!
    ((this heat bites))

  8. Wise and honest, Robin...wish I could say I am enjoying aging as much as I should be, but I AM much more accepting of myself now...Your writing is lovely~ XO

  9. I've been so involved in baby havin' and my own struggles and sadness that I did not know until now that you lost your mother. I am so very sorry, Robin. There's nothing I can say here that hasn't been said more eloquently by the ladies above, so I will just say this: You are lovely, and you are in my thoughts.

  10. Gosh Robin...I love to read your brain! Your writing gives me goosebumps. It's always a learning experience for me. so thank you.
    Your are such a beautiful woman. And BTW, I adore your nose!!!!
    sending hugs...


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