Hmmmmm. Tired. Wrung out. Had been feeling good but kinda tanked after Thanksgiving. Feeling sad and neglected. I had to finalize a banking situation with my mothers account. Do you have any idea how long it takes to bury someone? They are gone but so much stuff remains. I could donate all her clothes, but that closet still smells like her. I can go in there and just smell deeply. Sometimes it nauseates me because she is gone. Mostly it smells good. Good and sad.
So...I left the last entry just before Glitter Market. I was feeling great, boards behind me, the best people in front of me...
|Charlotte Perez Originals|
What a joy to be with my friends, inspired by their talent.
|Heather Ales of Soldering Fame|
It just was beyond a dream.
|Premier Paper Artist Jackie Peters|
I appreciate the support so much.
|Jemellia's off-spring who made me cry she is so cute|
Thanksgiving was so good. I knew I had to get out of town. I spent forty seven thanksgivings with me mother and I knew I would mope around the house without her. We went to my daughter's (my husband's daughter) near Dallas and had a great day. She has two little boys, 3 and 1 and everything is better with little boys in it. Everything.
The following weekend my daughter and I decorated the Christmas tree. Opening up those same old ornaments always brings melancholy. With mother gone, I struggled, struggled to be present and realize this time next year, my daughter will have moved to college. Oh my dear friends, such a lovely thing to raise this child. She is everything to me and is sweet, and smart and funny. Another girl who is going to go. I realize I have been in a hammock suspended between two lives, my mother on one side, her life, prolonged illness and death, which goes on and on.
|Spencer whom always waits...|
On the other side I have my adorable girl, awaiting college acceptances, wondering where she will land. I have been swinging between these two, happily so, sadly so, emerged in them and all that implies. All this means I will have my own life once again. My future is out there. Thank god I can keep busy with my hands. I can teach again and go back to the medical world. There is some good news to share. I passed my recertification boards required to maintain my national licensure.
Things are really good in my abundant life.
It's just that it doesn't always feel so great.
Thank you my friends. I feel such connection here with you. You save me a little everyday. I hope you feel some of that back. Because what would be the point otherwise?