Must Make Pretty Things

My last post was about the 'r' word. Please read it if you have not. If you did read it, thank you. If you read it and commented, thank you, thank you. If you read it, commented, admitted you had used this word and will rethink use of it, I am deeply touched by your candor. If you said you would talk to your children about use of this and other words, then you have changed the world.

We changed the world.

Life has lots of ugliness built in to it. There is pain, sadness and ugliness. This is why we make pretty things, isn't it? In God's image, we create beautiful, interesting things, driven to do so.

On my return from Silver Bella, I had only unfinished projects. I was impressed that Jackie Peters decided to finish a project daily and post about each all week on her blog. She is so driven, efficient and productive. It feels good to produce. It feels good to make something pretty. It is very important. This is often called craft. 'Crafting' is starting to sound like a bad thing. Arts and Crafts, art vs. craft. Craft used to mean a lifetime's work, a honed skill. A craftsman. What if it is the work of a woman's hands? Creating and producing, making beautiful things. Calming herself, restoring her soul.

I have had some drive amidst the knit, knit, knitting I have been doing to get on with the projects from Silver Bella. One was Teresa McFayden's group project called Art Sisters. It was to be 2 x2 inch squares set in a frame. I found it very difficult to get much done on site. Also, if I make something, I need some incubation time to figure out what I would actually want hanging around my house. I do try to edit. Some people have no such obstacles and busted out some astounding things. This from Karla Nathan, a fully decorated frame. !

  

Danielle Muller. Oh Danielle. Look how gorgeous this is. And complete. How do people do that? It creates a little competitiveness in me. It also gives that negative voice something to work with. Mostly, however, it is like watching an athlete perform the unbelievable, it inspires me.

I love Danielle's quiet and lovely piece. Also, Danielle is cute all over.

I decided to take the Art Sisters chunks I did complete and combine them with my Junque Journal swap. Sheila Rumney completed the front and gave us the back of the journal covered in music.

I added my Art Sisters to the very back journal cover.

I added the remaining project contents and intructions to the inside face of the back cover. I intend to build the journal from my swap packages.

While I did not take the Kaari Meng necklace class, I purchased the kit. I had some time one late afternoon recently. I rarely work in our library but the afternoon sun called me to this spot and I worked from here.

Here is my necklace and it is fabulous.

From left over pieces, I made these earrings.

I found a beautiful place to sit. I am grateful to have a beautiful safe place to sit. I create beautiful things. Thank you hands, grateful for time.

Grateful for this blog.

Thank you dear reader. I feel inspired by you and these beautiful things.

It Takes My Breath Away

It happened twice just this week.

The mere act of typing this right now has made my heart race, my breathing shallow. I feel slightly dizzy and a little sick.

It is anxiety, straight up, Shaking, dry mouth, headache coming on...

And it happens every time. And it has happened every time, since I was little girl.

I heard two adults use it this week.

The R word.

I heard 'retardo' twice, then 'isn't that retarded' once.

I am shaking so hard I can hardly type.

What would you do if someone used the 'n' word in casual conversation? Do you respond? How do you respond? I can honestly say I have not heard that word used in person but one time in the last 30 years. My eyes got wide. I shied away. I said nothing. Then the enormous burden of guilt and shame descended.

It is the same when I hear someone use retarded or worse, 'tard, retard, retardo (new one, how is there a new one?).

I want to say something but I am usually far too anxious to do it.

If someone is in medicine or studying medicine I generally say something. I announce to my college students how I feel about the word. I want them to think about the use of that word and make their own decision.

But when a friend, or a friend's child, or a family member uses it, I generally say nothing. I just don't want to see them again.

Does shying away with my feelings help anyone?

My brother is retarded. My court paperwork assigning me as his guardian states that he is "an incapacitated person due to severe mental retardation."

He cannot communicate. He cannot say "what do you mean by that," or "that hurts my feelings," or "please don't say that."

But neither can I.

And I feel heavy with shame and anxiety about it.

World Autism Awareness Day

This day 2 April is World Autism Awareness Day. http://www.worldautismawarenessday.org/site/c.egLMI2ODKpF/b.3917065/k.BE58/Home.htm

Because autism is so prevalent, many of you are aware of it already, daily, often painfully. Many of you are unaware of the quiet struggle that this and other related challenges bring.

My sweet brother Kerry. Once diagnosed with severe mental retardation, at a certain point his diagnosis changed to autism. He doesn't speak. He has never said my name. He doesn't acknowledge hello or good bye. He lives in a community with others with severe disabilities. There is so much he cannot do.

What he can do is enjoy a meal. He loves meals and sweets. He can enjoy his rest. He dutifully puts on pajamas and sleeps with reckless abandon. He has a job and works 32 hours per week at a recycling plant because he is able to focus for long periods on repetitive tasks. This trait I definitely share with him. He uses the money he earns to buy Diet Coke which he slurps with joy.

He does not complain about work. He does not complain about his hair. He does not complain about his weight. He doesn't care what car you drive, where you live or that his shirt says "Polo." He does not know there are people who receive millions of dollars to stay at a job they are doing poorly. He does not know the hunger and rapes and abuse throughout this world. He does not know the oceans are full of plastic that we keep throwing away like it doesn't matter.

He doesn't know people recklessly use the word "retarded" to describe stupid or ugly. But I do. He cannot say "don't use the "r" word. But I can.

Here is to Kerry and a brain he could not use at his own will. And to you who can.