31 March 2009

Spared from Cruising

Recently my dear friend asked me and my daughter to join her and her two children on a cruise, a seven day cruise. I looked up the website and was initially lured by the photos of a stateroom with a balcony, the luxurious meals and pages upon pages of excursions available on the exotic stops. I was tempted by the fun! sun! and adventure!

And then I traveled.

My husband has been on his job many years, many, many years. Instead of a watch, they gave him a trip, a vacation to sunny Mexico! at an all-inclusive resort! Very well thought out, very graciously planned. He had not taken a week off for eleven years. Eleven years ago he took me to the Bahamas, proposed and gave me a diamond. At that time, I thought, wow, a life with him means trips and diamonds. Well, it meant a trip and a diamond. Courtship behavior is false advertising. Ergo the fact that I bragged to him that I travel light and will pee anywhere.

We go on this really amazing trip. So during the trip I got car sick and air sick. I know this about myself. Everything makes me dizzy and nauseated. The anxiety about the dizziness and nausea gives me dizziness and nausea. I was so sick and dizzy from not sleeping on our last night that I actually threw up on the van on the way to the aeropuerta. That was awesome because 10 hours later were were stranded overnight without our luggage due to flight cancellations, I was still in my peptol-bismol-the-second-time-around pink stained jacket. Well, that made me sick and dizzy.

My husband was nice enough to me during the trip. I mean, he has some ancillary reasons for tolerating me on a trip. Like, I cook, open mail and can write prescriptions. My friend and her children really have no reason other than manners and courtesy to deal with my constant sighing, occasional earping, and narrow comfort zone.

And I love nothing more than to be van-sick, taxi-sick or air-sick and be trapped next to the most inane conversation ever. I love cheesecake. Really? I love cheesecake! I really love cheesecake with strawberries. I love cheesecake with strawberries! But not those strawberries in that stuff that looks like Close-Up. Yeah, not in that Close-Up stuff. I hate that stuff. I like strawberries though. Yeah I love strawberries. On cheesecake. Yeah strawberries on cheesecake. Oh. Just shoot me. And, when you turn around to give them a dirty look, they do not have the decency to wonder what they themselves were doing wrong? They have the audacity to look like, duh, what's your problem? She probably needs cheesecake. Heh, heh, yeah, cheesecake. With strawberries.

And everyone on a terminal, in a plane, in a van or vestibule, from Oklahoma, seems to have a chronic cough.

So this recent trip spares me the next travel opportunity! and add-on-at-no-extra-cost! vertigo of seasickness. Possibly spares a long term friendship as well. On one hand I am intolerant but on the other I whine. I love my daughter far to much to take her on a cruise....


  1. I have the pleasure of being too young to have used Close-Up, I was not ready for making out then. Having said that, why don't you like cheesecake? If you don't like cheesecake and don't have a PUD, you are not an Oklahoman. Both PUDs that you are thinking of will suffice.

  2. But other than the puking and the anxiety, the inanity and the coughers, did you have a great time? :-)

  3. Poor girl. I know just what you mean. More often than not, when we're traveling I'm always saying "get me to some flat land!!" I always have to be heavily medicated to even drive to the Ozarks. Maybe we would travel better in a covered wagon? haha, some times I've even offered to get out and walk ;)

    Ps: I totally love cheesecake. But with chocolate. ;)

  4. Covered wagon...ha!

  5. Oh mama, this made me laugh out loud! It really did. It was actually just as funny to read as it was to hear you tell :). And I do appreciate the no cruise thing. I wouldn't want you to be sick and not enjoy it, which I know you would..especially if we went to Alaska! I don't doubt the beauty, just what it would require to get to see it!! -A

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