Five months. Five long months. Betty Jean has been my primary focus for five straight months. She requires 24 hour supervision and assistance. I was on death watch for the first four months. I asked her doctors for Hospice and both said no. I was shocked. She is so chronically sick and weak and needs constant care. I realized she is chronic, ill but stable. She continues to decline but its pretty slow. This is the new normal. She has quite a bit of time left. She needs increasing care and assistance. Now what? Do I continue to provide 100% of my efforts to her, or is it time to turn my attention to my husband and daughter? We need a little more balance. I knew it this was coming. I knew mother was aging and there is only one way that story will end. But the details are a mystery. Of course they are. I guess I thought the decisions would be more obvious. She lived her life small, slow, steady. Her decline is small, slow and steady.
Five long long months ago, I told my husband to get a hobby. I knew my priorites would be mother and my child and since he is a big boy, he would have to go on the back burner. No it isn't fair but there is only so much attention to go around. And I need it from him. Harsh, maybe. True though. So I said "husband, get a hobby not a girlfriend."
He has a very full-time job. He leaves every morning at 6:30 and walks in at 6:20. Every day. Also he has had two weeks off since I have known him. Work is his life. During his off time, he works. He enjoys work. So his hobby involves work of course. He loves wood and was a carpenter before his current career. He started with reclaimed barn wood which he loves to work with. Beams and flooring. He uses it for his own projects and sells to others.
Barn doors. Architectural items.
Buckets of hardware.
Okay, husband. Enough already.
And yet there's more.
He has been such a foundation of strength for me while I have been a bit unpleasant at times. Also, I want everything from his hobby for myself.