17 November 2010

Best Me?

Having just returned from Silver Bella with a mound of supplies and incomplete projects, I have happily been re-entering my non-Silver, non-Bella life. I have been organizing these posts in my head, how to combine them, what order, which swaps, classes, friends, vendor night... I have been looking through the blogs and seeing pictures of beautiful friends, happy creations, just the best Silver Bella ever!
But before I get on with all that, all the beauty, all the good, I have to start somewhere and that would be where I am. Where I so often seem to be.

I was not all happy! all the time! at this event. I did deeply enjoy the people (most of the people) and really did laugh and love, connected deeply on occasion. But mostly, I struggled. Struggled being with so many people, often in tight quarters. I was sensitive to things people said. I was driven wild by barely having elbow room, vintage scraps a'flyin'.

I was prickly and irritable. I looked at people laughing, happily creating and wondered, "what is wrong with me? I have such a great opportunity here, why am I all yucky?" I finally broke down to two poor ladies. I was actually complimenting on how precious they were together, happy as two peas on a pink pod. I cried trying to get that compliment out. It was the last class, a crowded room with bags and knees suffocating me. I packed up and left. I returned to my room and cried. I got out my supplies and I thought I am going finish one freaking project!

I had placed a tiny picture of my 3 year old self in a rhinestone circle with the words "best me" underneath. I gathered myself. I did what I do which is retreat, get alone, get quiet where I feel less crazy. I started to copper wrap my glass. Smooth it out. I had a conversation in my head about how this blog post would look. I would wait and write it when it became true, when I deserve an award for being my "best me."

Then it struck me. I am my best me. I actively work on all these feelings of anger, resentment, agitation. I eat well, exercise, rest my body, write in my gratitude journal, tell people I love them, create, and on and on. I confront my fears. I open my big mouth and tell people my damn truth and you don't have to like it. I am prickly. I hemorrhage, and rage monthly. I am irritable. Robin needs a big circle. I feel crazy. Sometimes I act crazy. I take care of people. When my own family doesn't even ask about my dying mother but strangers at Silver Bella do, I love them anyway. I shake and quake and cry and laugh.

This is it. I am my best me.

I am just not what I expected...


  1. Brilliant post!

    And to be honest... I broke down too. Though, more than likely, for completely different reasons. Sometimes, it's just good to empty out that tear tank and let it start to build fresh.

    Love your charm!

  2. Robin, this is beautiful. Thank you.

  3. Robin, I really ~ really wish that I had been able to spend a bit more time with you..I really enjoyed our bathroom moment....and I completely get what you are saying. Completely. You retreated..I enjoyed the "Managers Reception"..where I drank my wine like I talk...FAST! lol...I had myself in a bit of a frantic frenzy while at SB, looking at how "fast and easy" some people created. Makes me question my talents even though I know I have them. I wish I could empty my "tear tank" as Heather A. referred to it. I hold mine ALL in and then weep over little tiny things at random times. Ironically, my award says something similar to yours..."Best YOU". I also try to be the best ME for myself and then inturn for my family. I hope one day I will know that it is working. Thanks again for your honesty and thanks again for sharing with us.

    PS:Sorry I wrote you a book here..lol.

  4. Hi Robin: I don't know you very well however after reading this post I feel like I know you so much better and I really like you. You are honest and unafraid to open yourself to others. Tears are really refreshing at times when we need to put something away that is bothering us and begin anew. Your pendant is wonderful and truly honors you and how you are the "best me" you can be. Never doubt your power to be strong and creative and fabulous. Beautiful day to you.

  5. Hi Robin! I love this post as I can really relate to your feelings here. Your pendant is just adorable! I need to look into that gratitude journal you mention...perhaps that will help me at times when I want to just scream.


  6. Robin,
    (And I will answer your Facebook request and probably send a personal message that will embarrass you...I hope) This is why I adore you. You are yourself and definitely the "Best You." I loved you being "surly" the first day. I love your honesty. I do all my socializing and now I have retreated for a week. I am happy and cheery and worry like crazy. We all do it differently. I think you are one of the Best You's I have ever met. Honestly.
    Big hugs,

  7. Oh, My, Dear, I just love your honesty! Funny how we feel so much the same but just don't know it. You need to read Debbie Murray's blog & click on the links to the Brave Girls. Maybe you already have. If only we could carry signs....I love knowing the Best You!! You are AWESOME!!!

  8. oh robin....you are the best you, mostly because you know that you are!!! that's what matters most!! how liberating to write it all down and breathe!! in every small way we all connect, always remember that!


  9. Oh, Robin. I've just met you, but I can already tell that you are a wonderful you!

  10. You may not be what you expected, but who is? We're all unrealistic as hell sometimes, I know I am. I am the *worst* about approaching situations with stars in my eyes, with no concern for the real world. Sadly enough, the real world doesn't always play by my rules. I try to convince it that things would be happier and sunnier if it would, but it doesn't listen.

    No matter what kind of reality you find yourself in, you are a kind, genuine person- flaws and all. That's what matters.

  11. This necklace is so cute, it makes me sick. Had I known that you took the class from Sally Jean, I would have attacked you and Jemellia right then and there. I have been stalking that chick for years. BTW, you rocked it yesterday! It was great seeing you and your new fabulous creations! I am SO LUCKY to be the proud new owner of the super chic neck ruffle!

  12. Robin, It was so great meeting yout his weekend, My daughter thought your were the nicest!!! Hope to see you again and Happy Thanksgiving!!

  13. Dear Robin, I wish I had known how you were feeling. I would have brought you a cup of tea and told you what a sweet person you are and that you are the best you no matter what.
    Colette xoxo

  14. I am just getting to checking up on all of the blogs I read and Robin you aren't alone. I have a tendency to be a watcher and observer. I sit back and see how things are going. The opening night of Silverbella I just didn't feel like working on my group project so I just left everything packed up in front of me and enjoyed watching everyone else work on theirs. I wasn't in the best of places in my mind and I knew that I just needed to be in my mind and not worry about getting a project done that night. It does help some times to just step back and regroup. Hang in there and know your post touched many people. Thank you for being so honest :)

  15. Your transparency is what makes YOU the Best You...Your honesty...Your humor...Your kindness...All the quirks we have (notice I said "we" not just "you") tied up with our strengths--that what makes us...well, simply put, I guess that is what makes us...US...And, to quote Martha---"It's a good thing."

  16. I wonder if any of us, is what we expected to be? I'm not even sure what IT is that I expected LOL! I'm with you~ I am, what I am...and that's enough! I love your honesty...XO


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