Setting the table for four on Christmas Day, I decided to use my parent's dishes, mine now since they are gone. Growing up, my family ate every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner on these "good" dishes.
I got four plates down and started setting the table. Holding that sweet 1960s plate, I was transported back, back to the sounds of the table, smells, my father's voice, the bowls including that canned cranberry, mother's sweet tea, back through a tunnel of time to my mother's house. When I realized I was in 2012 preparing a meal alone, I felt a deep sense of gratitude for those memories, for that childhood, for this day.
It occurred to me what progress that way. A corner turned.
It was a moment of reward for the last year and a half processing the fact that I have no family of origin. A few cousins I rarely hear from. A nephew, a relationship young for him to know me long. Processing that no one knows me before the age of 14. Feeling alone. Feeling pitiful. But on Christmas day 2012, I felt grateful for what I had. And still have, those precious times I can float back to...
I "felt" this post.
ReplyDeleteFamily of origin: one sister who gave me a nephew (much gratitude there.I look forward to the Christmas where my budget allows me to travel to be with them). Some scattered cousins, remote at best. Christmas is a slippery slope for me, remembering he who should have been with me creating our own Christmasses with our own children. I steel myself against the self-pity, I give thanks for his short life. This year, my dog visitor demanded all my attention so I didn't fall into the abyss. Much love to you. xoxo
I love that pattern! I've seen it before and wanted to buy it but could't afford it because it was selling as a full set. What is it called?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a peaceful holiday. This really puts a lot of things into perspective for me. I have a massive family, and I pretty much just bailed on seeing half of them this Christmas using potential bad weather as an excuse. I've had a busy season, and I felt so guilty about the relief that swept over me when I realized I'd get to spend some time at home instead of bouncing all over the county trying to squeeze in as many visits as possible. I know now I was looking at it all wrong. I'm thankful for my family and I'm thankful for friends like you who always open my eyes to things I might not have seen on my own.
Happy holidays, Robin! You know I love you, girlfriend. ♥
Franciscan Starburst! I love it. I just have one platter though.
ReplyDeleteI have a very small family, and I know one day, before I'm ready, I'll be where you're at. Gratitude is a good thing to cultivate. Feeling pitiful is okay sometimes, too. Happy 2013 to you, friend. I hope the new year brings only good things to both of us.
Such a thought-provoking post, Robin...those memories are so good to have close to you. Hope the new year is a good one for you...full of love and creativity! XO
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